The word says it all Emotions or E-Motions … Energy in Motion.
Unfortunately human beings tend to experience more painful ones than pleasurable ones.
That was the case in my childhood.
I witnessed my family expressing emotions as anger and sometimes violence and as you can imagine this felt very intimidating watching people you love hurt each other and feeling helpless to stop it.
Unfortunately, it is more common than we want to know.
Home should be a safe and nurturing place to make mistakes and learn how to correct them. If everyone took the time to clean up their own “environment”, what a better world we could have.
I learnt that if I stayed one step ahead of my environment and met everyone’s needs, whilst not being a stress or burden to anyone, life would seem a little more in my control. Learning this at a young age set the foundation for many personal and professional relationships to come.
My personal programming…”be the responsible one, take care of everything and life might be a little more peaceful. Oh, and don’t expect to have too many needs met!!”
This may or may not feel familiar to you, but the point is growing up needs to be an environment of emotional support so that as adults we are better equipped to express and handle our emotions. To feel confident to express and assert our individual opinion, whether right or wrong, and learn how to listen and integrate another’s point of view. But most of us learnt communication is a war, a battle field where someone has to win or lose. I will chat more about that in later blogs on Communication.
It is not to blame our upbringing, but to wake up and realise we are not our past but a powerful, creative being that can change the Present. The Past is just a “movie” to work from, unwind and let go of. To know what to change by seeing what you don’t want and focus on what is important to you now. The past travels with us every day, like a magnet, picking up more of the same energy on the way.
The need to stop, take time to drop that load and pick up a new load is so important. Just like redesigning a house, garden or creative project.
Because my personal experience of being a Pleaser and being Over Responsible gave me a sense of control, I preferred to ignore the symptoms my body had been giving me to wake me up to the Truth.
I missed the signals of low energy, poor digestion, the tightness in my chest and the feeling of anxiety whenever I had to “walk around on egg shells” hoping not to upset anyone. These feelings travelled with me throughout life, mostly subtle, as short, shallow breath, inner tension and then at times would become very apparent, especially if I needed to speak to an authority figure or I heard people arguing.
Then the feelings of anxiety and panic (rapid heartbeat, shortness of breath, unable to get words out or to think, feeling sweaty, tired and confused…to name a few symptoms) would take over.
Luckily, I began my Spiritual Journey. The Journey of travelling inward and getting to know myself to understand the programming I had taken on and most importantly, that I had the power to change it and “make myself happy” first. That it was OK and actually Right to focus on me first. I was actually the only one who could really make me happy and then anything I received from another was a bonus. Wow, what a sense of freedom to know I could do it (many times with the help of a mentor or healer by the way).
As I learnt the Art of Meditation, of letting go of old energy and programming and changing that programming to what I wanted, I began to feel better. I began to find that it was true, everything I desired outside of myself, was inside…even laughter. At first the tears overrode everything. I had so many built up tears and unexpressed words that needed to be set free. I was relieved to find so many tools to help me do this. By making a little time…sometimes only once a week when life was really busy, I gradually felt my body unwind and relax.
I found words would flow from my mouth easily and sometimes I would surprise myself at the wisdom I would hear. Gradually I began to trust myself more and best of all…Life. That each and every situation I experienced allowed me the opportunity to practice my new techniques to understand myself a little better. Without life putting challenges in front of me I would not make the time to do the inner work.
I began to “love” the feeling of tightness in my chest, the sweaty armpits and confused thinking because they were signs from my body to slow down,(even say No!), take time to go within, write about how I was feeling, remember past memories with stored emotions that needed to be let go of and change my thinking to something more productive and aligned to what I was creating at that very moment.
Yes, I was judged and considered a little weird at times, especially when I wanted to be on my own.
People would say, “Isn’t it exhausting doing that?” I would always answer the same: “No, it feels like bunches of flowers are popping up everywhere with new information and moments of enlightenment, giving me a new direction and focus”.
I was discovering the Power of playing the Game of Life. Now, I was truly being responsible and feeling in control, even when life was out of control. The Fear was leaving me and Love was getting stronger each and every day.
As I began to understand myself more, I was seeing it mirrored in everyone around me, the same symptoms, reactions, fears and anxieties.
We are all the same, wanting to find love and belonging, safety and security…and we can have it, but there needs to be a shift in personal perspective.
To understand that it comes from Within, not outside of ourselves. Outside will reflect what is inside.
Life actually does love us, even when times are tough and challenging and we feel we have lost all hope. I now see challenges as a wakeup call, that there is something in me bursting to come to the surface. I then take time to go within and allow all the feelings to float away, take time to slow the breathing which gradually calms the Mind (who loves to show me all the worst possible scenarios) and Rest in the moment.
At this point change begins. I may not see it immediately, but the more often I practice the faster the change is apparent, because the wall of energy in the way of what I want begins to dissolve. Sometimes what is revealed is even better than I was hoping for!!! But the reality is, it was already there waiting for me. I just had to do the “work” to let go of what was in the way to receiving it.
Timing is perfect in life.
Trusting that everything is perfect and you have everything you need within to create change is actually the Act of Loving the Self. It is simple, but not easy because emotion is powerful and can get in the way. Emotion is the glue that keeps beliefs locked in and familiar. It takes inner strength and sometimes support from someone who understands the Truth of Life to clear the block. Without reactions and emotions there would be no gauge to where we are at in Life and what we need to change. There would be no energy (passion, hope, desire) to start afresh and create something new.
The first step to nurturing the Self, is to take time out from the busy, frenetic pace of the outer world and find the quiet within.
Whether it be yoga, pilates, meditation, healing, massage, nature, a bubble bath or having a hug with someone you trust…make it a priority to take time to let go of the inner tension, breath and find the Love that is always inside, underneath everything else, waiting to be felt.
Sending much love and light and always here if you have any questions